Raw Spewage

Updates from the battlefield ... fighting and winning against Lyme disease. Lyme bacteria rarely travels alone, by the way... so not only am I infected with Lyme bacteria but it brought along friends Babesia and Bartonella. It's one big keg party in here. But guess what? The party is OVER, boys. I am hammering you with IV meds and you are making me so ill as you fight back... yeah, you SUCK. But my meds are bigger and better and kicking your little bug asses to the curb. I win. =)

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Location: Palo Alto, California, United States

Writing has always been the best way for me to communicate my thoughts. And since my thoughts spew forth as raw, scattered, and random musings... the term "Raw Spewage" seemed quite appropriate.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Party is Over, Boys... Big Guns Are Here

Tears slide down my cheeks as I write this. I can't stop them anymore than I can stop the pain attacking my body right now. I am in a war, a war to take my life back from the bacteria who stole it without my permission. Lyme bacteria. Babesia (just like Malaria and just as miserable). Bartonella (this one sucks too but can't remember what it is similar to). Two viruses. This battle isn't about who is right and who is wrong, it is about trying your best to listen and surrender when you are asked to... even if you do not understand why. I am not sure that a person can talk about pain when they are trapped in the prison of it... but I will try because this fight is about so much more than my sadness and frustration ... it is about the journey that takes you out and leads you home.

Now I am just going to write.

The last time I posted anything was about a year ago. After my last post in 2010, things went downhill on a slippery slope and I begged for help. Pleaded for someone to take my hand and help me out of this... my doctor out here has carried me every week as we tried to keep my system on even keel and keep it from crashing. But my system just could not take any meds to kill this crap off -- body was just too weak and after dropping to 92 pounds the last time we tried, we were stuck. Afraid to move forward yet watching me slide backward...

Around this time, my angel of a friend had gone back East to get herself hit hard with meds and pull herself out of the Lyme mess she was also trapped in. I watched and listened as she was pulled out of it and slowly got her life back... being healed. Gaining ground against this disease.

I'd never heard that happen before. I mean, people take the antibiotics for months and even years but that just helped them into remission... she was being *healed*. Getting herself FREE of this disease. She had been yanked out of it by two experts using IV meds. Thousands of people on East coast had already been through this treatment... and it was starting to be used in clinics and hospitals out there too. These guys were amazing... I started calling them The Dude and The Other Dude. I also called them angels because that is what they are... true angels doing miracles for sick people.

I wanted that. I wanted to be pulled out too.

But I was too sick to travel back East and I have a kid to take care of... oh but how I needed help. I could barely walk, the pain was unbearable, and my vision was getting worse and worse. And that was just the tip of the iceburg. So we came up with a plan... a plan to bring THEM to ME. We flew them out so they could meet me and my doctors and show people out here what has to happen in order to bring people out of Lyme and all of its ugly co-infections and viruses. How to target JUST the bugs and kill all of it off but heal the body while you are doing it. There were a bunch of doctors signed up and the trip was planned and the tickets bought. It was going to happen!

But then one doctor got scared. And the whole thing went to crap... or could have gone to crap if I actually allowed myself to be scared by one person's words... words that said I would get worse if I tried this medication. Words that said I would end up in the hospital if I used this medication. Words that said don't do this or you could die.

Here's the thing ... this doctor was basically trying to scare me into doing nothing. Like doing nothing would be better than trying this treatment that has helped so many other people... like doing nothing would keep me from sliding further and further into the horrible pit I was already trapped in... like doing nothing would in some way be the right thing.

But if there is one thing I have learned in life, it is about resistance. If you are encountering huge amounts of resistance? Then you must be doing the right thing... because the forces in life really do not like change. They like things to stay the way they are. Change is unsettling. Change makes things different. Change forces us to do stuff. It is so much easier to keep things as they are. I figured I must be doing the right thing with all the resistance I was getting -- in fact, this must actually be very important not only for myself but for the other really sick people out here who will benefit. That said, I was still scared... I mean, I'm just a normal person. I'm not a doctor or an expert or anything but a really sick person who needs help.

But I did it anyway.

It was one of the most courageous things I have ever done... bar none. Despite the terrifying things the doctor out here was saying, my gut told me that he was wrong. Flat out wrong.

So I stuck out my arm and said "IV me. Put these meds into my blood and show me the way home."

That was at end of January 2011, 8 months ago, when I started this treatment. I have never looked back. I have been slugging it out with these bastard bugs to get them the hell out of me and win this war.

Make no mistake -- this IS war. These bugs have been living in MY body, eating MY food, paying NO rent, and destroying the rental house with keg parties. They don't clean up after themselves, there is trash everywhere, crap is broken, and no one is fixing anything. Any time I have tried to throw them out, they get pissed off and fight back, making me even more miserable than when I just left them alone to destroy my insides. They have been enjoying a free ride for way too long and I've had it. I think it takes getting to this point -- the point where you are stripped down to the bare metal. There's no coating, no paint, nothing hiding or protecting you when you get so ill that your body can't help itself. It's so sad to see it try and try valiantly... it needs help. It needs a guiding hand carrying a light that can lead The Good Guys into the house. Help is coming... we know the way out and are strong. We can get these things out of you. We can help you get your house and your life back.

Are you ready? Are you ready to let us lead you onto the right path?

It's not an easy path. No. Not by any stretch of the mind. It's hard and it forces you to open your heart and mind to other ways of thinking... of learning... of thanking.
Yes, thanking.
Because along this winding path, wonderful souls pop unexpectedly into your life in the most surprising ways. You have to be willing to surrender... accept their help and say thank you. Look at the two wonderful souls with their healing elixir of life... who flew out here to the West Coast to start me on my journey. They are guiding me along the path home. I am no longer alone on this journey and the meds are my way out. It's a beautiful thing in all its ugliness... because make no mistake, these past 8 months have been u g l y.

And that's where this part of my story begins... what it is like to slog your way through the shit. Slog with me as I tell my story.

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